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SBF Leaves A Bad Review

Date of booking:18th September 2023

Duration of booking: Indefinite

The District Court jail has to be the worst place I have ever stayed. The staff are unfriendly, the amenities awful, and I am still waiting to be told the WiFi code.

My stay started badly. Despite specifically requesting a top floor suite with a view, on arrival I was told I had to share a sparse single room with a stranger. And a rude one at that. When I asked where I should store my valuables, he said, “Shove it up your ass!” As a valued guest, I don’t expect to be spoken to like that.

The room at least has the en-suite I requested, but for some reason it is IN the room. And even more disgustingly it doubles as the minibar as my roommate said he was storing wine in it. The toilet paper is unacceptably rough. It’s not even quilted let alone infused with aloe vera. When I asked my roommate exactly what I was supposed to do with such sub-standard toiletries, he said, “Shove it up your ass!” Charming, once again.

The staff are disinterested in meeting my needs and when I ask when the maid will make her rounds I am continually laughed at.

Despite specifically telling the kitchen my dietary requirements (vegan, raw food diet, dairy and gluten free), I have been served the same breakfast of bread and water every day. I am also yet to see a copy of the NY Times I requested and the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign I fashioned and hung on the door so I can enjoy a lie-in has been ignored day after day.

I could go on and on with what’s wrong with this accommodation. There are no bath gowns, no complementary shower cap, no jacuzzi, and what I thought was a complementary chocolate on my pillow turned out to be anything but.

Frankly, I cannot wait to leave. It’s like being in jail.