‘Legs are coming soon! Are you excited?’ tweeted Meta recently, when announcing that its VR avatars would soon have legs.
But Users from the Twitterverse were NOT excited. They’ve responded to the announcement with a loud ho-hum.
We asked the Zuckerdweeb – exclusively – what he thought about the general indifference – and he was ANGRY…
“Who-the-fricking-who do these Users think they are?
I said our Avatars would have working legs and these “User-Losers” said ‘Whoop-di-fricking-doo’ and ‘Ho-hum,’ and ‘doo-bee-doo.’
Gah!!!
Do these mortals know who they are dealing with??
I am Mark ‘Alpha’ Zuckerberg!!!! Who wrestles with his Jock friends for fun; who watches UFC and does ju-jitsu???
So instead of sneering, these earthlings should be going into the Metaverse to bow down before me on their electronic knees… (knees which I made for them, mind!)
Like this human-man @gabrielroth, who tweeted: ‘I already have legs.’
He wouldn’t say that if he came into my Metaverse – because I would kick the crap
out of him with my ELECTRONIC LEGS. In fact – more than that – I’d use my electronic legs to hoof him in the electronic genitals.
Hahahaha. That would teach him.
Except..
Sadly although avatars now have legs, they don’t have working electronic genitals yet.
So if I were to kick @gabrielroth in the electronic genitals, he wouldn’t find it painful.
So I need to get my programmers to work on that, in time for next year’s Connect event. And then I can teach him.
Hahahahha! Beware of my wrath, Gabriel Roth!
Then @JoshuaPotash said that the graphics are as still as primitive as 1990s video games.
That made me pissed.
He won’t dare say that to me in the Metaverse, as I will Karate kick him in the head with my ELECTRONIC LEGS.
Just like Mortal Kombat.
Which was a video game from 1992.
So I’d better not. As he might get smug and think I’ve proved his point.
So I’ll just ignore him.
Hahahaha @JoshuaPotash. Consider yourself ignored.
Then @RobertFrogert said he was unimpressed, because legs had been invented before – 375 million years ago as the first fish crawled onto land.
GAH!!!! Impudent mortal!!!
Why, if he came into the Metaverse, I would trip him up with my ELECTRONIC LEGS.
That would teach him.
…Problem is I can’t get him to come into the Metaverse.
In fact I can’t get anybody to come into the Metaverse.
Because there’s NOTHING TO DO in the Metaverse.
It’s just an empty wilderness, where you can’t even find Meta’s own employees..
…apart from Brian in accounts. Who fears that if he doesn’t show support for the metaverse I’ll make him redundant.
Good old Brian.
I’d like to give him a pay-rise and a ‘leg up’ in his career.
An ELECTRONIC LEG up!!! Hahaha!! Farewell mortals!!! Until next time!”
