Look out!!! It’s the Hamster Gangster Scamsters!
Pol Pot rages at POL coin! Dictator wants Polygon to be PolyGone!
Chat GPT is Getting Pretty Thick… ..A.I. becomes Actually Unintelligent after exposure to Humans
FTX Witnesses To Be Placed In Tamper-Proof Bottles
To Prevent SBF Interference
How to Avoid Doing Jury Duty on Tedious Ripple vs SEC case…
BETTER IN THE BEDROOM THAN THE BOARDROOM….
THE SECRET DIARY OF CAROLINE ELLISON AGED 28¼ (AS LEAKED TO PLANET CRYPTO)
IT’S ONLY FARE!
CHINA WANTS YOU TO PAY FOR BUS TRIPS WITH DIGITAL CURRENCY!!!
WHAT THE XXXXX?
Is The Twitter Rebrand Xtremely Stupid?
YOUR PROBLEMS FIXED!!! WITH EX-CELSIUS CEO, ALEX MASHINSKY
Melania Trump releases America-Themed NFTs!
SEC Chair Gensler to break into Ex-Students Homes and Regrade their Essays!
Heroic Gensler Protects Crypto Against Theft
..by Making it Worthless
Gensler Suffers Withdrawals After Being ‘Addicted To Suing’
‘MY PASSPORT ID IS NOT FAKE AND DODGY,’
Says Costa Rican Do Kwon
Gensler Health Problem Diagnosed
Wall Street’s Hand Found Up His Rectum
Apple’s New Headset looks like a pro-ski mask..
But will it perform a Triple Somersault or fall off a cliff?
Has Prominent Crypto Critic Been Hacked?
Why IS Schiff Schuddenly Schilling NFT Schit.
NEW A.I. ‘GIRLFRIENDS’ ARE TOO REALISTIC
Complains Man Who Says He Was Expected To Read Girlfriend’s Mind
SPORTS DESK The SEC’s Gary Gensler Referees Football Match
Everybody Gets Sent off. Nobody Understands the Rules. Always ends in Penalties: of $1.4m.
JOBS PAGE! EXPLORERS WANTED! AT BINANCE!
Adventurers Needed To Discover New Territories; As Binance’ve Been Banned From Everywhere Else!
It’s The Secret Diary of Sam Bankman-Fried, aged 30 and ¾
Finally Some Good News!!
Proof of Attendance NFTs could make us extinct!
Bullshitters face Existential Crisis
Binance CEO Denies Wrongdoing, Whilst Stroking Sinister White Cat
The Founder of Binance defended his company this week, after it was hit by a staggering 13 different lawsuits.
A.I. HORROR! World Urges Kanye Not To Use A.I. In Case It Learns From Him
EXCLUSIVE! Biden Gives 10 Reasons Why Crypto Must Be Blamed For Debt Crisis
‘It’s all Crypto’s fault,’ proclaims the President. Sure it is.
Pumping Pepe!! The Frogs are Taking Over!
Why You MUST Buy Pepecoin TODAY!!!
PEPE MEMECOIN MANIA!! FICTIONAL-FROGS TO FLOOD FINANCIAL MARKETS
KERMIT COIN IS NEXT..?
AAAG! A.I. TERROR!!! : Tom Hanks Says Future Films Will Be Performed by A.I..
So New Vin Diesel Films Which Seem to Last An Eternity Might Be Released for All Eternity..
‘Get off our Patch!’: Sloths and Slugs Complain That Bitcoin Network Makes Them Look Speedy
Banking Crisis! Jerome Powell Mystified By His Pants Repeatedly Catching Fire
Chairman of the Fed, Jerome Powell, has been left baffled by a series of fires in his pants.
A.I. TERROR! Zuckerberg’s Billion Dollar A.I. Gamble Will Transform The Workplace.
‘Humans Will All Be Redundant… At Meta.’
Regulation Shambles!! Why Is SEC So Keen To Drive Everyone Offshore?
Is Chair Gensler A Travel Agent In Disguise?
$4.7bn Financial Scandal!!
Holy Mashinsky! Saintly Celsius CEO Maintains His Innocence and Purity
A.I. Mustn’t Be Controlled By ‘Bad Actors.’”
So The Rock & Jason Statham Put Under House Arrest
PANIC!! - AS IT IS REVEALED THAT A.I. IS MORE INTELLIGENT THAN HUMANS
RELIEF!! - AS IT IS REVEALED THAT THOSE HUMANS ARE ONLY KANYE & PARIS HILTON.
ELON MUSK CALLS SPACEX FLOP ‘EXCITING’
WHAT ARE HIS OTHER GREAT MOMENTS IN EXPLORATION HISTORY?
Half-Man Half-Robot Zuckerberg Says ‘There Will Still Be Work When A.I. Takes Over’
‘You Can All Make Me Hats Made Of Gold.’
William Shatner Launches ‘Quantum Physics’ NFT
Actor tries to explain world’s most complicated science
COINBASE DENIES ‘DOING AN FTX’ WITH BAHAMAS BASE
After huffing, puffing and moaning about the US regulatory system, in the past week, Coinbase has stunned the world by launching a global exchange in the Bahamas.
Gensler Denies He’s Over-Reaching.. ..Before Crowning Himself King of England.
BANKING CRISIS RETURNS!
Crypto Bigwigs Blast ‘Shitbanks’: “Bank Accounts are Gambling Tokens!”
3AC Flops Launch New Exchange:
Are They Exchanging One Scam For Another?
SHANGHAI UPDATE IS TEDIOUS
Sleep Deprived?? Follow Ethereum Upgrades to Guarantee Good Night’s Sleep’ say Scientists.
Queue Of Prosecutors Waiting To Charge Binance Reaches 16 Miles Long
Longer Than Queue Of Mourners For Queen
APPLE HIDES BITCOIN WHITE PAPER IN MacOS SOFTWARE
Irony is dead this week – as Craig Wright, who has been accused of trying to steal the creation of the Bitcoin White Paper, now accuses MacOS of stealing the Bitcoin White paper.
Williams F1 team to be Partnered by Kraken Exchange!
Does this means Kraken, too, is Not As Good as its Competitors, Slow and Prone to Crash?
Petty Crime To Surge in Montenegro...
...as Terra Investors Fight For a Night in the Cells With Do Kwon
‘Rich Dad, Poor Dad’s’ World of Woe
This week: The Upcoming Apocalypse!!
Is Jerome Powell Practising QE By Stealth??
Is Jerome Powell propping up the banks with QE by stealth? Find out in Planet Crypto’s exclusive Big Interview!!
THE SECRET DIARY OF SAM BANKMAN-FRIED, AGED 30 AND ¾
DAY 101: Insurance Claims!!