When Ethereum’s merge took place this week, The World responded with a big fat yawn. Instead of responding with excitement, Markets went ‘meh’ and sold off their Ether.
The Turgid Merge-id did have some fans, though. Planet Crypto found a Damp Squib, a Damp Squid and a Lead balloon – all of whom were celebrating..
When we spoke to a Damp Squib the soggy firework expressed relief, ‘phew!! I thought we Damp Squibs were forever destined to be the ‘go-to’ expression for ‘a Disappointing Event.’ But no longer. Because the Ethereum Merge was much more uneventful and dull than we have EVER been. I hope a new cliche catches on – and when the public wants to express disaffection in future – they’ll say: “Yawn-yawn-yawn-that event was a bit of a Damp Ethereum Merge.”’
Damp Squids were celebrating too. Their names have often been used to convey disappointment by people-who-‘got-the-damp-squib-phrase’-wrong. ‘Yeah – it was doubly unfair for us. I mean, when people used to say things ‘went down like a damp squid’ – it was STUPID. I mean all squids are damp, for goodness sake. We LIVE IN THE SEA.
But hey. It doesn’t matter any more. Because now, everyone will be saying “Yawn-yawn-yawn-that event was a bit of a Damp Ethereum Merge.”’
Or will they?
Not if Lead Balloons have their way.
One Lead Balloon told us, ‘In the past things, when things have been received badly, they’ve been said to ‘go down like a lead balloon.’ As a lead balloon myself, I find the term offensive. But hopefully things are going to change. Because surely the phrase ‘going down like a lead balloon’ is inadequate to describe the sheer depth of underwhelm felt after The Merge. From now on, surely we’ll be saying that things have been ‘going down like an Ethereum Merge.’ I’m sure Concrete Parachutes will agree’
We wanted to speak to some dull Ditchwater, to see if it too was celebrating… but it was unavailable for comment