The cavemen at the International Monetary Fund have declared that ‘all progress is bad’ and that crypto risks angering the Gods.
The Managing Director of the IMF, Kristalina Georgieva, grunted to Planet Crypto, “Crypto bad. Make sky weep. Kill harvest. Me prefer pay with pebbles.” She then returned to hunting for woolly mammoth.
Crypto has generally flummoxed the fuddy-duddies at the IMF as, unlike traditional currency, it cannot be carried in a calfskin pouch, hidden in a tree hollow, or rolled across the floor of a tavern in a game of chance.
But now, members of the IMF, whose role is to guide monetary policy, are meeting to draw up regulatory guidelines for crypto which they believe threatens financial security. The start of the meeting was delayed as delegates had to travel from member countries in carts with square wheels, though some VIPs arrived by stegosaurus.
The IMF’s crypto guidelines will be published by drawing them in dirt with a stick. Explaining the method of publication, Georgieva said, “Dirt and stick good. iPad and Apple pencil bad.”
In a shock move, delegates have warned that a complete ban of cryptocurrency is not off the table, though Georgieva insisted that, like crypto, tables were also at risk of collapse and that she preferred to eat her meals off the back of a bison.
Other potential proposals for crypto include having it sent to Valhalla, swallowed by the Sea God, or having economists dance round it until the evil has left it. Though this last proposal was later ruled out as it would also involve the creation of a fire, something the IMF has yet to master.
