Bird-Owners have gotten into a flap, after Elon Musk replaced the Twitter Dove with the image of Doge.
‘It’s very irresponsible,’ said one falconer, Cher P. Cherpchee-Cheep. ‘Dogs do not make good bird replacements. And I can tell you from bitter experience. I’m one of those people who slavishly follows what Elon does, and so I replaced my goshawk with a mangy mutt… and I have to say, I was disappointed by the results.
I put a hood on the mongrel, and threw it in the air, expecting the pooch to circle above me, and swoop down to take a piece of meat from my glove. Instead the hound just dropped to the floor, lay on its back, and expected its tummy to be tickled. It was an exceeding dissatisfactory result.
In fact my canine behaved entirely like Doge in that it performed poorly and was entirely unpredictable. When I wanted it to fly up, it lay down. The only time it got really animated was when I said ‘Elon mentioned you in a tweet.’ Then it did a huge leap… then quickly lay down again.
My advice to other falconers is: do not expect dogs to emulate ‘warm-blooded, egg-laying vertebrates distinguished by the possession of feathers, wings and beaks.’ They cannot be trained to hunt small animals like pigeons, squirrels and rabbits at all. In short – do not swap your bird for a dog.’
A budgerigar-owner expressed similar disappointment when she swapped her melopsittacus undulate for a Shiba Inu. ‘It was a terrible idea’, she grumbled, ‘I could hardly cram it into its cage.’