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GENSLER RETORT TO CRYPTO CRITICS: ‘MY DOOR IS ALWAYS OPEN’

(BUT THERE IS A POT OF BOILING OIL PERCHED PRECARIOUSLY ON IT)

After imposing heavy fines on Kraken and Paxos, the heavily-criticized chair of the SEC Gary Gensler has insisted, ‘My door is always open’

But that’s not what his critics say. Crypto services providers have been wanting to ‘do the right-thing’ by the SEC – but they claim that the SEC’s narrative of ‘come in and talk to us and register’ simply isn’t true.

‘That’s harsh.’ Says Gensler. ‘I’m very accessible.

‘Yes. My door is wide open. Admittedly, crypto providers need to understand, that to get to the door, they need to cross my personal minefield, first. But that should be easy enough for any crypto providers who have attended specialist ordnance disposal courses according to International Mine Action Standards.

‘And anybody can pass those… with the right level of commitment and dedication and higher-education learning. So yeah. Door, open, is, always.

‘Yes, there are a few confusing forms to fill as well, but nothing much, and there’s also the moat-filled with famished bull sharks which they have to cross to get to the door. But that’s a small thing, which frankly shouldn’t be an obstacle to any crypto provider who can swim in a suit of chainmail armour.

‘And the chain-mail suit will also provide them some protection from the bullets fired from my personal security in the machine-gun tower.

‘And once they’ve gone past the doorway into my office, and sidestepped the pot of boiling oil on the top of the door, they’ll find me at my desk ready to listen.

‘So long as they can talk loud enough to be heard over my noise-cancellation earphones.

‘So frankly, I don’t know what the fuss is about.’

When asked if he could take his noise-cancellation earphones out, to listen to any hard-hitting objections from our interviewer, he duly obliged. And then stuck his fingers in his ears and said, ‘lalalalala Can’t hear you.’