The Grim Reaper has slammed social media users for repeatedly wasting his time with false “Bitcoin is dead” claims.
The Angel of Death, charged with ferrying departed souls to the afterlife, complained, “Since it was born there have been 466 obituaries posted for Bitcoin and every one was a false alarm. I’m fed up with it.”
The Pale Rider described how he was duped by the latest hoax. “I was doomscrolling on a cigarette break when all these graphs appeared of Bitcoin’s vital signs – ‘Spent Output Profit Output Ratio’, ‘Relative Strength Index’, ‘Dormancy Flow’ – I don’t know what the hell they mean but people said it showed Bitcoin was dead. So like an idiot I went to collect it, only to find it’s not dead at all, just a bit sickly. Big deal. We all get sickly in winter.”
This latest incident comes during a period where the Reaper job has become much more difficult to execute. “I went to collect Terra Luna a few months ago only to find its soul had already been re-born into a new entity. Meanwhile the world and his wife can see that Gemini is dead but I’m not allowed to collect it until someone pulls the plug. To be honest, I miss The Plague. You were busy but at least you knew where you stood.”
The Grim Reaper ended his rant with a vow. “Every week, I get hoax calls that one of the 3B’s has gone – Bitcoin, Britney, and Betty White. Well from now on, I’m not responding to any of them.” On being informed that Betty White died months ago, he replied, “Mate, I’ve told you, I’m not falling for that crap anymore.”