‘NO, WE DIDN’T TARGET SIGNATURE BANK BECAUSE OF CRYPTO,’ EXPLAINS FDIC CHAIR. ‘WE DID IT BECAUSE OF ITS, ER, .. VINYL-FLOORING.’
Signature Bank shut down by US Regulators this week, despite one of Signature’s Directors saying there was ‘no indication of problems’. But why was the FDIC so harsh on Crypto’s leading banker???…Was it because, as some have alleged, they were trying to kill Crypto?
Planet Crypto put the question to the FDIC’s Chair, Martin J. Gruenberg:
GRUENBERG: ‘No, No, No. I have nothing against Crypto. There were lots of other good reasons why we had to shut Signature down.’
PLANET CRYPTO: ‘Like what?’
GRUENBERG: ‘Well, er, there are lots of reasons. And LOTS. In fact too many to mention’
PLANET CRYPTO: ‘Try me..? Give me one’
GRUENBERG: ‘There’s… uh.. Well. Signature used vinyl-flooring. I mean, hell-ooo!! As a responsible regulator, I can’t permit investors to attend a bank with faux-wooden flooring.’
PLANET CRYPTO: ‘What’s so bad about that?’
GRUENBERG: ‘”What’s so bad about that??” HAHAHA… Vinyl-flooring can be difficult to remove, especially if adhesive is used during installation. And it can be difficult to recycle.’
PLANET CRYPTO: That isn’t reason enough to shut down an important Crypto-backer?
GRUENBERG: ‘We have to think about the everyday investor.
PLANET CRYPTO: Right…?
GRUENBERG: ‘And the individual investor hates vinyl flooring, too. It’s not as aesthetic as real pine.’
PLANET CRYPTO: You did it because you want to destroy Crypto, right?
GRUENBERG: ‘No no no.’
PLANET CRYPTO: Then give me a sound financial reason why Signature had to be shut…?
GRUENBERG: ‘We shut it because Signature wasn’t a safe-haven for investors… In fact as havens go, it was a dangerous one.’
PLANET CRYPTO: That’s sounds more like it. Why?
GRUENBERG: ‘Because vinyl flooring can emit volatile organic compounds – VOCs, yah – and they can be harmful. To all haven-seekers. So, you know. It had to be shut. Now if you’ll excuse me – I have to go and try and shut Ethereum because its carpets may be made with polypropolene.’
