Chairman of the Fed, Jerome Powell, has been left baffled by a series of fires in his pants.
“It’s the darndest thing”, he told Planet Crypto, “but every time I say that U.S. banks are well-funded and resilient, my pants catch fire. I’m at a complete loss as to why it keeps happening.”
“It started a few weeks ago when I was in a meeting with the President”, Powell explained. “I had just reassured him that there was no banking crisis, when woof!… my pants burst into flames. There were sparks everywhere and I was really concerned for the President’s safety too because he’s tinder-dry. He’s about 80% dust. It could have been a really nasty situation but fortunately, Janet Yellen was able to discharge a fire extinguisher in my pants and Kamala Harris was able to plunge the President’s head in a bucket of sand. She was particularly pleased because it’s the first useful thing she’s been able to do in The White House.”
“Anyway, since then, it’s kept happening. Every time I reassure people that U.S. banking is healthy, my pants spontaneously combust. I’ve tried everything – loosening my belt, carrying less change, button fly, zip fly, everything except changing what I say about the banking system – but nothing seems to work. It’s got to the point where I’m only allowed to talk in buildings with sprinkler systems. I’m due to address Congress next week so the fire department have lined up a tanker full of foam like you see on an airport runway in a disaster movie.”
“Anyway, I have to get going”, Powell broke off. “I must get to the bank to withdraw all my savings even though America’s banks are safe, well-funded and not about to collapse. OH GOD, IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN! CALL 911!”