First, he denied being responsible for the collapse of Terra USD. Then he denied being on the run from authorities. Now, on trial in Montenegro for entering the country with fake ID, Do Kwon has denied that his Costa Rican passport is counterfeit.
“I was shocked when the police suggested I was a South Korean travelling under a false passport”, said the disgraced CEO, whose full name is Kwon-Do Hyung. “Because I’m 100% Costa Riconian and always have been. I grew up in a typical Costanza Rican igloo, my parents were penguin farmers, and I could ski down a Costa Rogan snow drift before I could walk. In fact, I still can’t walk, I can only ski, that’s how Cost Co Rincon I am”, insisted Kwon, who earlier walked into court. “Trust me, I’ve had that Costa Coffee Rican passport since I was a child. I still remember the day the postman delivered it on his polar bear.” When asked to tell the court if he knew the capital of Costa Rica, Kwon confidently replied, “Papua New Guinea.”
Prosecutors then asked Kwon to explain the Belgian passport he was also caught travelling with. “I know on the surface that looks bad, but there’s a simple explanation”, he replied. “My parents’ igloo was right on the border between Cost Ratio, and Belgium, so I have dual nationality. Belgium is a much more temperate country, like South Korea, which I have never been to. If I close my eyes, I can still picture the banana groves of tropical Belgium. Though I’ve learned in prison never to close my eyes.”
When pressed on why his Belgian passport also contained a different date of birth, Kwon replied, “I can’t believe you’re asking me such a dumb question. Obviously it’s because Belgium uses the Jewish calendar which has different dates. Just like South Korea celebrates New Year in February. Or so I’m told, I’ve never been. So as you can see, there are perfectly innocent explanations for me having two passports from two countries and with different names and dates of birth. I rest my case.”
BREAKING NEWS – Do Kwon has been convicted of using a counterfeit passport. He described it as the greatest injustice in the history of Belgian Congo Rica.
