Vitalik Buterin really struggles with his predictions. He has predicted that Ethereum 2.0 (the Merge) – would happen in June, then August, and, after this week’s reorg on the blockchain, even later in the year.

Perhaps foolishly, then, we’ve given him his own horoscope column, to have a go at predicting all your futures..

So here is Mystic Vitalek predicting your day ahead:

Aries

The moon continues its journey through Taurus today, encouraging you to slow down and take a moment. Though there may be certain personal dramas or upheaval playing out in the background, you will find peace by acknowledging the beauty that surrounds you. Though don’t quote me on that, I might be wrong.

Taurus

The moon travels through your sign today, providing you with an emotional reset after a busy couple of days. Now would be a good time to make future plans. But bear in mind, I’ve got a bad track record on this sort of stuff. I mean, I predicted the Ethereum Merge would have happened by now, and look at the state that’s in.

Gemini

You may feel as though you’re in the process of unloading some emotional baggage as Mercury continues to operate from a supportive connection to profound Pluto, but relief is coming soon. Or maybe it isn’t. I don’t know. I’ve been saying for 17 months that the Merge is coming and that nightmare never seems to end.

Cancer

The cosmic climate will inspire you to seek community and connect with friends. Today could be the perfect time for a night out at your favourite local restaurant. Or it could be the worst meal you’re ever had and you’ll need a tongue transplant. Look predictions are really hard, okay?

Leo

What do you want to hear? What? A billion dollars will fall down your chimney? Fine. I know it won’t happen, you know it won’t happen, but let’s just pretend it will. HAPPY NOW?

Virgo

Look, shit happens, okay? SHIT HAPPENS. I can’t be responsible for predicting EVERYTHING!

Libra

MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS PEOPLE!

Scorpio

Leave.

Sagittarius

Me.

Capricorn

Alone.

Aquarius

I’m going back to bed. Where are my Shibu Inu pyjamas?

Pisces

ZZZ.