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NOAH RELIEVED HE DIDN’T USE CATHIE WOOD’S ARK

After Cathie Wood’s Ark Funds have all fallen by over a half, biblical flood-survivor Noah expressed relief.

‘Thank goodness I didn’t use Cathie Wood’s Ark for my biblical animal-saving.

Ark diminishes everything you put into by over 50%,’ said the biblical wiseman.

‘The Animals would go in by-two by-two, and they would come out by-one by-one.’

He then looked at the charts and realized that Ark’s flagship Innovation Fund had dropped by over 75% since its 2021 highs.

Or, he said, correcting himself, ‘the animals might come out by-quarters by-quarters.’

And because Ark just bought 2.9m of flagging Coinbase, he continued, ‘I wouldn’t be at all surprised if no animals came out at all.’

When asked, self-publicist Cathie Wood was available for comment.

As ever. 

When asked, Planet Crypto wasn’t available to report.