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It’s day 4 of Crypto-Christmas! And time to speak to another special guest. Now, Christmas is synonymous with animals – reindeer, plump robins, puppies wrapped in bows… But now there’s a new Christmas beast in town.. it’s the fashionable NFT pet that costs owners hundreds of thousands to own… a Bored Ape!

PC:

Hi! How has your Christmas been? Don’t tell me, you’ve been living it large, partying with celebs on a yacht…

BA:

Not quite. I’m in the pound.

PC:

The animal shelter?

BA:

Uh-huh.

PC:

What happened?

BA:

Well people get a Bored Ape thinking it’ll be fun and exciting. But they forget that a Bored Ape isn’t just for Christmas, it’s for life. After a while, they get tired of picking up our cigar butts and cleaning champagne stains off the carpet, and suddenly we’re an expensive mistake.

PC:

Oh no. And is that what happened to you?

BA:

Yeah. My owner said he loved animals. Said he’d loved them all his life. But after three days he said I was the most annoying shitbag he’d ever encountered and he wanted to drown me in the river.

PC:

Oh God! Who was that?

BA:

Sir David Attenborough.

PC:

Ouch. You really must have been annoying.

BA:

It’s not my fault I grin like a cocky a-hole the whole time. That’s how we’re bred to look.

PC:

Well I hope you find a new home soon. In the meantime, any messages for our readers at Christmas?

BA:

Yes. Please spay or neuter your Bored Ape. There’s too many of us and no-one even wants those anymore.

PC:

Well I can’t argue with that. Join us tomorrow, readers, for another visitor, hopefully with more festive cheer. Merry Christmas, everyone!