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It’s the Tenth day of Crypto-Christmas! And that means a very special guest. He’s like a Christmas meal all in one: he’s the biggest turkey of the year; he’s got a great big pudding-y face; and if you have too much of him you’ll be sick. It’s Sam Bankman-Fried!

PC: So, Sam, let’s start with an easy one: what’s your favourite Christmas movie?

SBF: Miracle On 34th Street. Because I’ll need a miracle to stay out of jail next year. In fact, I’m going to move to 34th Street to increase my chances of getting that miracle. But don’t tell the authorities that’s where I am.

PC: What did you get in your Christmas stocking?

SBF: I didn’t really look… I was too busy pilfering other people’s stockings.

PC: Any presents you’d have liked that you didn’t get?

SBF: Yes, I’d have loved a time machine. So I could go back to October and steal more money before everything goes wrong… er, no, sorry, I mean: so I could escape before I had to face the consequences of my crimes… oops, no, sorry, wrong again, I mean: so I could correct my mistakes and not let people down as badly as I did. Yup. That’s the one.

PC: And what did you cook for Christmas lunch?

SBF: I’m only really good at cooking the books… so that’s what I had for Christmas lunch. I ate a lot of cooked books, hoping to digest the accounting evidence against me.

PC: What was your highlight of 2022?

SBF: There was a lovely moment early on when Celsius Exchange and others got into trouble and I offered to bail them out. If the year could’ve just stopped there, I’d still look like the good guy. But, you know, it didn’t, so now I just look like the shit in shorts that I am. Well, in shorts and handcuffs.

PC: And what are your hopes for 2023?

SBF: That the miracle I want happens and thanks to all the money I’ve given to various politicians I somehow avoid jail.