It’s the third day of Crypto-Christmas and time to introduce some glamour to this party! Today’s guest has a rump to make the Christmas roast jealous, she’s richer than brandy butter, and her fake tan is the colour of gravy… by jove, I think we’ve pulled a cracker, it’s everyone’s favourite worthless token-pumper, Kim Kardashian!

PC:

Hi Kim! How was Christmas in the Kardashian house?

KK:

It was very traditional. As soon as the TV crew arrived, we opened the gifts. At 3pm we Instagrammed the turkey. After lunch it was Home Alone time, when I left the kids to go get my nails done.

PC:

And who cooked?

KK:

No idea. Someone, I guess.

PC:

What was your favourite moment in the day?

KK:

We have a Kardashian tradition – the Christmas shilling.

PC:

Oh, you put a coin in the Christmas pudding?

KK:

No, I posted a lot of paid promotions. Weight loss pills that don’t work, crypto tokens that collapse, that sort of thing.

PC:

Of course. How sentimental and silly of me. If I may ask, what’s the meaning of Christmas for you?

KK:

Christmas is all about family. Making sure they stick to the divorce agreement and pay alimony on time.

PC:

Did you see Kanye this Christmas?

KK:

He surprised the kids by coming down the chimney on Christmas morning. He had to because I’d changed the locks. And he came back in the evening to read them a bedtime story. Something called Mein Kampf, I think.

PC:

Okay, well I’ll leave you to google what this is. Seasons greetings! Join us tomorrow, everyone, for another festive visitor!