Today, Ethereum merged from the environmentally disastrous Proof-of-Work to the greener Proof-of-Stake system.
But the benefits of the Merge have been overstated many pundits…
We asked one expert, Max Price, to tell us his opinion.
PC: WILL THE MERGE SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT?
MP: Don’t expect too much.
The Merge has only been initiated today, Thursday – and it may take some time before we feel the ‘environmental’ benefits.
It’ll be at least Friday before the polar ice-caps stop melting.
And Saturday before the Arctic refreezes again.
But rest assured, by this time next week, thanks to the environmental impact of the Merge, the polar bear population will have exploded, and they will no longer be an endangered species.
In fact, next week, polar bears will be copulating with abandon, in a frenzy of lust, desperate to increase their population.
In fact all over the Arctic Circle, there will be an enormous polar bear orgy. It’ll be like Studio 54, except with ivory-coloured marine mammals.
In fact, just like 1977, I predict, that from Canada to Greenland, Polar bears will be getting high on Quaaludes. And partying to the infectious, propulsive baselines of Disco. Wearing kaftans over their thick fur, and dancing to Donna Summer.
In fact polar bears will be breeding in such big numbers that they’ll become a pest. Hiding in colonies behind every skirting board, in every house.
And all because Ethereum adopted the environmentally friendly Proof-Of-Work system. Thanks for that, Vitalik Buterin.
PC: WHAT WILL THE MERGE MEAN FOR BITCOIN?
MP: Unfortunately, the environmental gains will be offset by dirty Bitcoin miners, who will still be operating under the Proof-of-Work system.
In fact, if prices rise and just one more person decides to become a bitcoin miner, global greenhouse gasses will immediately rise by 60%, the world’s entire dolphin population will choke on waste plastic, Western Europe will disappear under seawater, and the eight-headed dragon of Mordor portenting the World’s End will rise from the Sea.
I hope that explains it all.
PC: DO YOU ALWAYS OVERACT THIS MUCH TO THE NEWS?
MP: No of course not. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and gnash my teeth, wail and rend my clothing at the passing of Queen Elizabeth II.