Scammers Demand Welfare Payments After Their Crypto Revenue Falls 46%
Desperate Scammers have fallen on hard times, and called on the government to pay them Welfare and TANF after revenue from crypto scams fell by 46% last year.
“We’re really feeling the squeeze”, said a scammer via an unexpected pop-up on my laptop. “Rent on a dingy basement has gone up 10% since last year. A scammer’s staple diet of nachos and spray cream is up 15%. And if you think your fuel bills are high, imagine how much it’s costing me to run all the computers I need to hack into your laptop?”
After somehow entering the password-protected file where I keep the intimate photos I only share with my partner, the scammer continued outlining their case.
“Everyone in society is struggling. But scammers are the forgotten victims. I mean, we can’t steal what you don’t have, right? For some reason all the pity goes to nurses and teachers, but scammers deserve a cost of living payment just as much. Just because I don’t believe in government and have never paid taxes, it doesn’t mean the government shouldn’t bail me out when I’m struggling.”
After setting up some ransomware on my laptop, the scammer ended with a warning. “People need to remember – we’re the backbone of the crypto industry. Without us minting pump and dump coins, launching rug pulls, and creating illegal money flows, what would be the point of Binance? It’s time to give something back to the people who take.”
Anyone with experience in removing ransomware, or willing to contribute to a ransom, should please contact Planet Crypto.