Until recently, the rich and famous seemed very keen to be associated with or even actively promote Sam Bankman-Fried. But following the collapse of FTX, are they quite so keen on the perm-headed, crypto-dodgy one? To find out, Planet Crypto got in touch with some of those rich, famous and, as it turns out, gullible people.
Famously photographed grinning next to him on stage at a crypto conference were ex-US President Bill Clinton and ex-UK Prime-Minister Tony Blair.
But now President Clinton insists: ‘I did not have financial relations with that man’. When pressed on his appearance next to SBF at the conference he claimed: ‘Sure, I was next to him. But I did not inhale the hype.’
Tony Blair expressed similar sentiments: ‘I mean, sure, I was next to him, grinning happily… but then that slightly mad grin’s kind of my default setting. And, look, I’m a pretty straight sort of guy… especially compared to Sam! Turns out he was a weapon of mass financial destruction — if I’d known, I’d have invaded FTX!’
Other politicians have been staunch supporters of Bankman-Fried. One US Senator offered this comment: ‘Before I say anything, can I just check whether his generous campaign donations are still coming to me? No? They’ve stopped? Then screw that useless, silly-haired son of a bitch.’
Next, Planet Crypto contacted Larry David, who famously made an entire commercial for FTX. However, his representatives said he declined to comment, adding only that he insisted no-one use the joke, ‘Larry has now curbed his enthusiasm for SBF.’
Oh. Sorry, Larry… but not as sorry as I imagine you are for advertising FTX.
Planet Crypto also approached genius quarterback and idiot crypto-promoter Tom Brady, who said: ‘You see, this is why jocks and nerds should never mix. He fooled me with his clever numbers and computer-y talk! If I ever see that ass-hat again, I’m flushing his head down the toilet. Like he did with everyone’s money.’
However, there was one celebrity who backed SBF: notorious crypto shill Matt Damon. He said: ‘I’m crazy about this guy! His business looks great! I wanna be in on it! Where Sam at? I gotta get me some Sam!’