Scientists investigating which of the Winklevoss twins is the evil one have published their findings: it’s both of them.
Professor Jean Genie, a gene expert, told us, “Traditionally, one twin is born evil and one born good. I learned that both in medical school and from a Halloween special of The Simpsons. However, in the case of Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss, it turns out that both are equally awful.”
Recent history bears that theory out. Last week, the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) charged the twins’ crypto exchange Gemini with the unregistered offering and sale of securities to investors. This followed the downfall of their ‘Gemini Earn’ partnership with lender Genesis that left investors unable to withdraw $900 million of funds.
In response, Tyler tweeted that the SEC’s lawsuit was “super lame”, whilst Cameron tweeted that the SEC’s behaviour was “totally counterproductive”, presumably to their plans for greater and greater evil.
Back to Professor Jean Genie’s investigation… there is still debate over how much of the twins’ shared evil is down to nature and how much from nurture. “They went to the same private school as George HW Bush, then Harvard, then worked with Mark Zuckerberg, then became venture capitalists… that kind of constant exposure to evil is bound to harden anyone’s heart. But the fact that the twins fought a bitter court case with Mark Zuckerberg and made him seem like the good guy does tilt the needle in favour of them having both been appalling from the very start.”
However, the Professor’s findings do contain a caveat. “I couldn’t actually tell them apart and I may have just tested the evil one twice. They should probably wear name badges or something.”