The SEC’s Gary Gensler and Hester Pierce are to pursue couples therapy following a bitter argument over how to bring up their adopted child, Crypto.

Pierce, known affectionately as ‘Crypto Mom’, and Gensler, not thought of affectionately by anyone, have publicly blamed each other for the behaviour of their 15 year-old, whose frequent brushes with the law have shocked the community.

“The fact is, kids need rules”, Gensler told Planet Crypto. “But Hester’s always been too soft on that boy. For God’s sake, he sold weapons on Silk Road when he was 5 years old. But all Hester said was, ‘don’t worry, he’ll find his way’. I should have whupped his ass there and then. Or at least taken away his Nintendo privileges. Instead we’re stuck with a smart-ass teen who’s put-of-control, doing exactly what he wants, when he wants. I know how 50 Cent’s parents must have felt.”

But ‘Crypto Mom’ Pierce was quick to place the blame on Gensler. “I believe the appropriate phrase here is, ‘Yo Gary, where you been at?’ When young Crypto was in desperate need of a father figure, where was Gary? I’ll tell you where. He was in the office every night, looking at jpegs of Kim Kardashian and calling it work. And now he’s surprised Crypto is off the rails, robbing folk and getting into the lending racket? I swear the only reason Gary’s getting tough now is that he knows that in a couple of years, Crypto will be too big for him to push around. No father wants to be wedgied by his son.”

Gensler and Pierce are now looking for a counsellor familiar with Family Therapy, Attachment Theory, and The Howey Test.