WAS THE WORLD’S FIRST COURT IN THE META-V ANY GOOD?
Colombia became one of the first countries to hold a court hearing in the metaverse. So was it any good? Planet Crypto’s metaverse correspondent, Tex Upport, watched on...
GENSLER TO BE PUT IN CHARGE OF CLOSING STABLE DOORS
This week, SEC’s Gary Gensler has been put in charge of regulating America’s stable doors and deciding when they should be shut
$5BN OF LOST ASSETS FOUND IN SBF’S HAIR-HEDGE
Defrauded FTX customers celebrated today, after assets to the value of $5 billion were found in Sam Bankman-Fried’s hair.
SBF TRIAL – DENIES STEALING, BY STEALING ‘NOT GUILTY’ PLEA
FTX’s founder, SBF, accused of stealing funds to shore up his flagging Almeda co., now stands accused of stealing a ‘not guilty’ plea to flag up his flagging fraud defense.
FTX collapses then Terra Luna… is SBF to blame for everything?
US Federal Prosecutors are finally investigating muppet-haired Sam Bankman-Fried, and not just for the collapse of FTX …but, astonishingly, also for market manipulation that caused the Terra Luna crash. But can SBF really responsible for EVERYTHING that’s gone wrong?
Santa Upset At Length Of Crypto Naughty List
As we approach the end of 2022, plenty of people have been left dismayed, disappointed and dejected by the year’s crypto-events… and none more than noted red and white bringer of jollity, Santa Claus.
WHY I MISSED SBF’S FAILINGS’, SAYS BAHAMAS ATTORNEY-GENERAL
At a press conference this week, the flustered Attorney-General of the Bahamas, Ryan Pinder defended his country’s regulatory oversight of Sam Bankman-Fried and FTX.
BLACKBEARD THE PIRATE ACCUSES SBF OF ‘GOING TOO FAR’
There were furious scenes in the Bahamas today, as Blackbeard slammed Sam Bankman-Fried for damaging the reputation of the pirates.
What Else Could SBF stand for?
Sam Bankman-Fried… a man so famous — and now so infamous — he’s often known only by his initials, SBF.
FTX CRASH KILLS IRONY
Amidst the many victims of the FTX crash, one of the most famous has been irony, which suffered a grievous attack in recent days.
Do Kwon Thanks FTX: ‘You’ve made me look competent!’
Not long after FTX filed for bankruptcy, to our great surprise Planet Crypto received a call from noted on-the-run crypto-crim Do Kwon, who wanted to offer his thoughts on what’s been going on.
WHAT NEXT FOR SB-F? IT’S… SAM BANKMAN-FRIED CHICKEN
With his time in the crypto-world surely now over, frizzy-bonced-numpty Sam Bankman-Fried will be forced to look for an alternative career. In an exclusive report, Planet Crypto can reveal that he’s thinking of opening a restaurant — and we got a sneak peek at its menu.
SAM BANKMAN-FRIED: “I TRIED TO WARN YOU.”
Sam Bankman-Fried has told Planet Crypto that he tried to warn us he was bad at finance.
Finding Do Kwon Some handy hints
No-one can find Do Kwon. Not Interpol, not the bounty hunters, not the journalists. He’s not in South Korea. He’s not in Singapore. The man behind the failed Terra USD stablecoin is proving harder to find than lost car keys in The Bermuda Triangle.
A New Crypto Scam Is Created Every 4 Minutes… Leading Scammer Explains All…
A report into online security in the crypto world has revealed that there’s a new crypto scam created every four minutes. Keen to investigate further, Planet Crypto talked to a representative of the Association of Smart Scammers.
Mashinsky Remains Fat Cat, while Investors have Lean Pickings
Celsius’ CEO Alex Mashinsky faces fury this week, after it became known that he’d cashed out $10 million in the week before the company’s collapse (and his wife $2 million).. whilst his angry investors lost their cash. I
Broke Terra investors launch manhunt for Do Kwon… but it’ll be low-budget
Investors in Terra this week began a worldwide manhunt for Do Kwon after his stablecoin cost them nearly $40 billion.
Kardashian to carry health warning
Kim Kardashian is to wear a disclaimer ‘For entertainment only’ to remind people that she should not be taken seriously.
Where’s Wal-do Kwon?
South Korean authorities have issued an arrest warrant against Do Kwon for his role in the Terra LUNA collapse. But Do Kwon has refused to disclose his whereabouts; is he on the run??
‘On The Run’ Terra Founder Is Prepared to ‘Work With Authorities.’
According to Planet Crypto sources, Do Kwon, the fugitive co-founder of the failed Terra Ecosystem is attempting to negotiate a plea bargain.
Do Kwon proposes to rescue the Hindenberg by forking it
Do Kwon, creator of disastrous cryptocurrencies UST and Luna, today proposed a radical plan to try and reverse the Hindenberg airship disaster by hard-forking it.
Actor, Seth Green, has his NFTs stolen
Seth Green, best known as the son of Doctor Evil in the Austin Powers trilogy, has become a victim of a criminal mastermind.
Do the DOKWON
If you’re Head of Terra, you’ve been having to make some pretty bold steps and moves to avoid the torrent of abuse that’s been hurled at you this week.
Do Kwon proposes to rescue titanic by forking it
Do Kwon, creator of disastrous cryptocurrencies UST and Luna, today proposed a radical plan to try and recover the sunken ship Titanic by hard-forking it.