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It seems like an age ago that Ethereum announced it would be updating to Ethereum 2.0 in “The Merge” (its blockchain based on proof-of-stake consensus, rather than proof-of-work).

It was meant to be released in 2019. Then it was meant to happen in June 2022. Now it’s meant to ‘happen in the few months after.’

But the merge still hasn’t happened yet and no-one really knows when it will.

Clearly Vitalik Buterin and his team haven’t a clue; so we asked those in the prediction business for some enlightenment:

Rosemary of the Runes, Romany fortune teller

First cross my palm with silver. I also accept bitcoin, but not meme coins or Solana, I’m no fool. Very well, I see a man… He is opening a new Ethereum exchange app with his fingerprint… But it’s a long time in the future because the phone is an iPhone 84 and he has evolved seven fingers.

Professor Tokorol Smichuk, inventor of the reverse telescope that can see light years into the future

Sorry, I can see Dinosaurs 2.0, and Ice Age 2.0, but not Ethereum 2.0. Then again, this thing only sees 10,000 years into the future. Though you may be interested to know that Satoshi Nakamoto turns out to be Brad Pitt.

Nostradamus, 16th century philosopher and seer

I predicted the rise of Hitler, the Hiroshima bomb, and the Kennedy assassination, all 400 years before they happened. Now you want me to tell you when the Ethereum Merge will happen? Come on, that’s too hard.

Uri Geller, famed psychic and illusionist

I can reveal that it is I, Uri Geller, who bent the London Fork out of shape. I will now make the Merge happen in 3,2,1 – now! Did it happen? No? You think I have failed, don’t you? But now look in your pocket… that’s right, I have bent your house key so when you get home it will snap off in the lock. I sense from the anger in your voice that you are impressed.

Pythia, High Priestess of the Oracles of Delphi

Well, we’re finding Ethereum 2.0’s launch incredibly hard to foresee.

So we’ve sacrificed a goat, and we’re looking into its entrails to try and read the future.

There’s goo and blood – and yuck – entrails are icky.

All we can see is a terrible mess… Does that help?

(…Why on earth we thought we could predict the future by looking at entrails, I don’t know. We might read tea leaves next time)

Vitalek Buterin, co-developer of Ethereum

Don’t look at me..?

Seriously, don’t look at me.

I look like a weird alien and my clothes are a mess.

Warren Buffett, investor and old man

Ethereum 2.0?? It’ll never happen, you hear me? Never! Now, can you help me, sonny? I dropped my wallet and I can’t bend down that far.